a2film

fixing nothing.

i don’t have the tools i wish i did. there is no apparent problem, but there is. only time will tell. i need to progress but at this point, i don’t have the will to do anything. it may seem as if i enjoy and am so happy with my life, but that is not the case. although i’m always trying to see sunshine, it’s because i take what i have and make the best of it. it still make be bottom of the barrel, but it’s what i have right now. but at this moment, this very moment, i want to get up and go. grab what I’ve always wanted and just take off. but it will take time. time that i wish would get here. i know you want to go. you may not think you show it, but it screams at me all of the time. 

i dont

feel as, yah know, cool now. everybody else as tumblr now. lol

Posty

thedirtwhispered:

post post.

well someone thinks they’re hilarious…

ok so here’s the plan.

i know i’m a dick a lot of the time and i’m working on it. but here’s the situation: today is the 11 month with the Mrs., also every tuesday i go with caleb to the card tournament. well since we do that, for the past few weeks our girlfriends have either hung out or attempted to hang out. last week they didn’t get to bc sam had to work. so caleb and i went to the tournament as usual and sam worked. sarah was left out. but shit happens so it was ok. well this week, sam knows i go to the card tourny so i worked out something as to where we hung out for an hour or so and then i paid for her to go with my mother to get a pedicure and manicure and hair cut and also they have gift cards to stores so they would also go shopping. she is fine with this bc she knows caleb and i hang out and go to the tourny every week. well, bc this will be the second week sarah and sam won’t be able to hang, caleb feels SO bad that sarah will be left out again. even though sam and sarah hung out last thursday instead of tuesday bc sam had to work. so caleb is ditching me and the tourny to make sure sarah’s not alone again. wow i set it up, ON MY ANNIVERSARY (11 months), to make sure i don’t miss hanging out with caleb and going to the tourny, and he ditches me. thanks, this is one of the reasons you haven’t been my best friend ever since you and sarah got together. and yes, i understand that it’s all sweet and cute that he doesn’t want her to be sad EVER, and etc and that’s how it should be in a relationship, but come on, i’m made it so that even on my anniversary, i wouldn’t miss hanging with you on a weekly “ritual”. 

anyway done with the rant, sam i love you and thanks for putting up with me for 11 months so far and i hope you enjoy you manicure, pedicure, haircut, and new bras and such. lol oh and food tomorrow. <3 mwah

she,

she is the only thing that keeps me from breaking. 

all i want is to travel from place to place doing what i love with the one i love.

i don’t care if i have a home. i don’t care about anything as long as i have my girl and my ambition. ambition is hanging on by a thread but it’s still here. i may be miserable but i have THE best girl in the world to keep me sane AND happy. honestly, i’m miserable on the inside except when she’s by my side. then i am content. i am overjoyed. i love you, god do i love you sam.

Really?

Don’t keep asking me about flip video cameras and asking which one I want and then get me fucking zhuzhu hamster bullshit pets. Oh and a nerf gun? I’m fucking 20. I left your damn hamster bs under the tree but I’ll keep the gun bc I took it out in front of everyone. Besides that I love you guys a ton. And, I have Sam. I don’t need anything else.

the time is N:OW

living in the moment.

i make mistakes. it’s part of who i am. i try my hardest to make amends.

ladies are bitches and gentlemen are assholes. it’s what makes the world go round.

before running a mouth take a step back and think.

how will i come off to others? to the one i’m talking to? to myself?

words are best spoken, not written. if you disagree with me on this, tell me…in person, so i can hear it in your voice, and not interpret or assume for myself. this way i can fully understand you.

speaking a mind. but how are we to know how you mean something on paper? let me hear it.

a problem? ok, that’s fine. talk to me. it’s no one else’s place, not their business, OURS. 

ambition. gone. but the hope to have it back holds strong. Oh! to want that life, the perfect life! to help others, to do the things i love with the ones i love, to better all that i know and the unknown.

god, i can’t wait to see what the world has for me.